The Resulting Exhaustion from Living Under Thumb

i have suffered more abuse than i care to remember
i carry the weight of that trauma on my back like
a pack mule loaded down for the long haul

The pain is centered in me like a gun scoped for its target
Every word, every glance, every threat, every action
From Them
Makes me jump and flinch
To relive those countless moments again
Sleep does not ease the torment
For it only brings more

i am cut off from the World
The World that tells me that i’m not good enough
Worth enough
Valuable enough
to be kept safe
from rape and harassment and words that sting as hard as unwelcome
hands and dicks
from the body that has betrayed me with
one medical problem after another
from the racism and colonialism of white Amerika and
yes, even from the other “othered” folks of color
from the sexual binary loving hetero and gay folks that think i’m
an oddity, a farce
from the harsh reality of deciding if selling my body is the only way i,
with all my fancy degrees, can keep a roof over my head

Because being a woman
a native
a bisexual
poor and disabled
In this Great Land of ours
Means being Abused
In a continual cycle of
Wash, Rinse, & Repeat
By those with the Power to do us harm
To traumatize us so that we will stay
Under thumb

Because being a woman
a native
a bisexual
poor and disabled
In this Great Land of ours
Means being Alienated
With the assumptions and questions They sucker punch us with

“I didn’t mean it like that. Don’t be so sensitive. ‘In my day birth control was an aspirin between the knees.’ Well you shouldn’t have been out alone at night. You’re Indian? Tell me about your people! Can you be monogamous? Do you have STDs since you’ve had dick in you? Dude, you’re bi? Wanna have a threesome? You don’t LOOK disabled! Chronic pain isn’t real. You’re just trying to get pain pills. Food stamps are for the lazy. Get a job!”

Because being a Woman
a Native
a Bisexual
Poor and Disabled
In this great land of ours
Means being Angry

Because there is no community
No safe space
for us
We are in a world of struggle
For survival
For recognition
For the right not to merely survive
But to thrive
In the face of those that would rather see us kept in our place as mere bodies to rape, steal from, and labor for their privilege and to die unseen and unheard so as not to disturb the residents in the ivory towers

Because being a Woman
a Native
a Bisexual
Poor and Disabled
In this great land of ours
Means being tired
Tired of the abuse
Tired of the alienation
Tired of the anger
Just tired

I am
Oh so
Tired

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